


Numbers

by yaxuxi



Series: my soul chose yours [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, they have powers but are still idols
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 13:57:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14833568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yaxuxi/pseuds/yaxuxi
Summary: Yukhei had seen the numbers his entire life. He didn’t really understand what they meant until his grandmother passed away, the zero on her chest screaming loudly at a six year old Yukhei who had been unable to look away, vision blurry with tears.





	Numbers

Yukhei had seen the numbers his entire life. He didn’t really understand what they meant until his grandmother passed away, the zero on her chest screaming loudly at a six year old Yukhei who had been unable to look away, vision blurry with tears. He had carried this power like an invisible scarlet letter, the fear and guilt known only to him, slowly eating at him. 

But he had learned to live with it. He learned to ignore the numbers blaring like alarms, choosing to make eye contact with people all the time to avoid accidentally staring at their chest for too long. Some people were put off by it, uncomfortable with the constant eye contact. 

Yukhei should have known that at some point, it would all come to a head. 

.

 

Debuting with BOSS had been like a dream. The promotions had gone by like a whirlwind, sweeping Yukhei off his feet. He introduced himself as Lucas, yelled to make them laugh, and struggled his way through vlives with broken korean and english, only feeling comfortable in long dialogue with the rest of the chinese members. But even then, he felt slightly out of place —the only one whose power hadn’t been released to the rest of the members by SM. 

Yukhei wondered if it would have all been different if he had just told them, told anyone. 

.

 

“Is hyung really powerless?” 

Yukhei paused at the entrance to the practice room, immediately tensing. He knew the question was about him. This question was  _ always  _ about him. But he hadn’t expected Jisung, someone he considered a friend—maybe a brother—to ask it. His hand around the door handle froze, the familiar feeling of bile returning to his throat at full force. 

“I don’t know. That’s what the managers told us.” Jungwoo. Yukhei should just open the door, let them know he was here before they said something that broke him, something that tore him open. 

“It’s kind of funny that someone like him wouldn’t have powers considering—” 

Yukhei ran, not wanting to hear the rest of Doyoung’s sentence, not realizing that someone had been watching him flee the scene, not noticing the bang his bag made when it hit the door, alerting the members inside. He just kept running and running, until he was safe inside his room. Somewhere far from the words. 

 

.

Yukhei felt like he was wearing a mask sometimes—keyword: sometimes. His personality was truly as loud as he portrayed it, his smiles enveloping his entire face, eyes becoming half crescents when he found something amusing, his whole body shaking with laughter. But the mask appeared when he was tired, when all he wanted to do was cry to his mother because he couldn’t stop seeing those numbers. Instead, he forced the laughter, he made himself funny because that was his role, his job in NCT. And he couldn’t afford to lose that. Not now. 

Yukhei’s entire life in NCT was built around being kind, being the one who made everyone else laugh, being the one other members could come to when they had troubles. He comforted Taeyong when their unofficial leader felt weighed down by his responsibilities, he made Jungwoo and Kun laugh before and after pre debut, he shared drinks with Mark and talked about their life, their worries, their thoughts. 

Yukhei smiled all the time. He smiled during their vlives, he smiled when he was being scolded for messing up the choreography or rap. He smiled even when it felt like the world was crushing his lungs, the tears choking his throat—he still smiled and prayed they couldn’t see the sheen of unshed tears over his eyes. 

But there were a few times when he couldn’t keep the smile on his face. 

  
  


.

 

The first time the numbers dropped, his heart dropped along with it. The day had started off normal enough, Yukhei spending his morning teasing Kun while Mark watched on gleefully, throwing him pieces of toast occasionally. 

“Fat Kun, Fat Kun,” Yukhei teased, swinging an arm around Kun’s shoulders, who scoffed and rolled his eyes, unable to help the grin that formed in response. Mark giggled, nibbling at his toast, slathered generously in jelly. 

“Should we head to practice?” Kun asked just as Taeyong’s head popped into the kitchen, yells to get ready for practice already sitting on his lips. Yukhei nodded, laughing when Mark whined when he threw his full weight on his friend. 

Practice was always interesting, especially with all eighteen members practicing at once. They practiced in the largest room SM had, but it still felt crowded, everyone in each other’s space even when they were taking a break. Yukhei had been holding Mark in a headlock when it happened. He didn’t see it happen. It was more that he felt it. Something pulled at Yukhei’s heart, and then suddenly, it snapped. His heart stopped. Jaemin’s anguished cry filled the room. 

“What happened?” Burst forth from Yukhei’s lips before he could help himself, dropping Mark and pushing past a shocked Dongyoung, hands reaching out for Jaemin, who had fallen to the floor. Jeno and Renjun hovered next to him, horror mirrored on their faces. Jaemin’s face was scrunched up, hands clenched into fists as he hid his face in the floor. 

Yukhei gulped, slowly maneuvering Jaemin into his arms, his heart hurting every time Jaemin let out a small whimper. His eyes widened when he saw Jaemin’s numbers. 6,594. His life had shortened by fifty years from this fall alone. 

“I’ll take him to the infirmary,” Yukhei’s voice shook, face clouded over. He couldn’t keep the smile on his face, he couldn’t smile to tell the group that it would be okay. He saw Mark make a motion, telling Yukhei that he would come with him. Yukhei made to shake his head but stopped when Mark  _ and  _ Taeyong shot him a furious glare. He didn’t know if they wanted to come for Jaemin, or for him.

At this point, Jaemin had closed his eyes, small shudders running through his body as he burrowed into Yukhei’s arms. And the trembles in Yukhei’s body were becoming more and more obvious, Taeyong’s sharp eyes catching them.  

After they had settled Jaemin into one of the beds in the infirmary, Mark and Yukhei collapsed in the chairs next to his bed. He sighed, running an impatient hand through his hair. His chest felt heavy, like someone had tied hundreds of weights to his heart. 

“I’m sorry,” Yukhei mumbled, loosely wrapping a hand around Jaemin’s open one, smiling when Jaemin’s hand unconsciously wrapped around his. Yukhei missed the raised eyebrow on Mark’s face, focusing intently on the slowly decreasing numbers on Jaemin’s chest. 

“Why are you sorry, Xuxi? It’s on us—we have powers. We could have stopped this,” Mark insisted, laying a forceful hand on Yukhei’s shoulder and turning him so they could make eye contact. Yukhei wilted, one hand clenched in a fist. Could he tell Mark? His heart ached—a prevailing fear that he would lose one of his best friends if he told him his secret. But Mark was looking at him with these honest eyes, shining with something, a small smile playing at his lips. 

But he couldn’t. He just couldn’t tell him. 

“It’s nothing. I just wish I could have helped,” Yukhei mumbled, gently pulling away from the hand on his shoulder. He didn’t notice the disbelieving look Mark shot him, and he didn’t notice when Mark slipped out of the room, whispers of “get some rest, Xuxi” left to linger in the room. 

Yukhei could feel tears building up as he looked over Jaemin, mimicking the grimace on the younger boy’s face. Jaemin’s back had been giving him problems, but he was supposed to have healed. A mishap like this during practice could prove fatal. Yukhei let the guilt envelop him, the tears flowing down his face freely. 

To his astonishment, the number on Jaemin’s chest went up by one. 6,595. Slowly, one by one, the numbers started increasing, until it had gone up by more than 500 days. 

Yukhei ignored the slight burning feeling in his chest, clasping his hand around Jaemin’s tighter, smiling gleefully as the numbers continued to increase in front of his eyes. 

_ 4,785. _

. 

 

Yukhei had managed to work out how to increase his member’s numbers. And it only seemed to work on them (he had catastrophically failed and made someone feel uncomfortable during a shoot when he had basically glared a whole into the chest of the stylist). 

All he had to do was essentially  _ will  _ the numbers to go up and awkwardly glare at the person’s chest for a while. It had taken some practice, but the feeling of joy that spread through his chest directly battled the feeling of being burned alive when he increased the numbers too much. 

It was for the members, for his brothers. 

_ 3.492.  _

. 

 

“Are you an empath?” Taeyong asked casually over breakfast one day, not stopping his chewing even when the entire table fell silent, eyes glued to Yukhei, waiting for his reaction. 

Yukhei paused mid bite, eyes wide as he felt everyone’s stare on him. He barely felt Mark’s hand press into his thigh, comforting him, a whispered, “you don’t have to answer,” falling from his lips into Yukhei’s ears. Could he tell them? Was today the day he finally released his pent up thoughts, his secrets? But one glance at Mark’s hand around his thigh made him pause. It would scare them, drive them away from Yukhei like it had in Hong Kong, when his friends had slowly drifted away from Yukhei. 

“......No,” Yukhei murmured, shoving the spoonful of cereal into his mouth to avoid further discussion. He should have known that wouldn’t stop the younger members. 

“So, do you have powers or not?” Chenle asked, an easy going smile on his face, telling Yukhei he didn’t know how that question made his heart clench. Mark scowled, already ready to defend Yukhei when he spoke up. 

“I do.” The table fell silent again, only to break into murmurs as Yukhei mumbled some excuse about practice before grabbing his bag and fleeing out of the dorms, ignoring Taeyong and Mark calling after him. 

_ 3,221.  _

. 

 

“Do you ever think about life after this?” Mark made a vague motion, slumped against Yukhei. It had been a long day, to put it lightly.

Mark and Yukhei had both waken up late for their schedule, exhausted from playing overwatch all night. Doyoung had told them to get some sleep, clicking his tongue when he saw them rush past him in the morning, clothes half on and bed head flying everywhere. Then they had to suffer through Taeyong  _ and  _ their manager scolding them, followed by a six hour shoot and two hours of practice. On top of that, Yukhei had been feeling more and more extinguished these days. He had been increasing numbers of the members every day, unable to help it when he saw the toll the stress from their comeback had taken on them, especially the older members. Taeyong’s numbers had dramatically dropped during a recording session once, and Yukhei had almost screamed with exertion to bring it back up. 

Yet after all of this, Yukhei couldn’t say no when Mark appeared in his room with a bag of beer and snacks, a small grin lighting up his face as he tilted his head. “Come to the roof with me?” And since Yukhei was physically incapable of saying no to Mark, he found himself tugging his jacket on moments later, following him up. 

“After what? After we retire?” Yukhei replied, taking a sip from the beer that they were sharing, passing it back to Mark when his hands flailed for it. Wrappers of sausages and candies lay on the floor around them. Mark had giggled, bringing a finger to his lips when he showed Yukhei the candies—”Shhhhhh, don’t tell management. Keep it a secret.” Yukhei broke his diet often enough, but he made it up by hitting the gym the next day (meaning he had to drag Mark to the gym tomorrow, which was a challenge in and of itself). 

Mark hummed, his head sliding before plopping into Yukhei’s lap, face scrunched up in giggles. Yukhei sighed happily, unable to help himself from running a hand through Mark’s hair when he saw the relatively high numbers on his chest, guaranteeing him a long life. 

“I don’t know,” Yukhei murmured, taking a sip of the can (which had returned to his hands after Mark had claimed his lap as a pillow) to give himself time to think. “I think it’s better to not think about it now. I want to enjoy my time performing with all of us, my family.” Yukhei couldn’t help the giggle on his face at the pure joy that lit up Mark’s face when Yukhei said family. 

“Promise me one thing, Xuxi.” 

“Hmm?” Yukhei used Mark’s stomach as a table, resting his arms there as he looked down at Mark, who looked deep in thought. 

“Never leave me. Even if we disband, retire, whatever, please. Stay with me,” Mark whispered, laying a small hand over Yukhei’s much larger one. The blood went directly to Yukhei’s face, lighting him up like a christmas tree. He knew that these were the ramblings of a drunk man (it shouldn’t come as a surprise that Mark was a lightweight), but his heart didn’t know what his mind knew. 

“Of course. I’m always on your side Mark,” Yukhei whispered back, not wanting to break the atmosphere. Mark smiled, and Yukhei could feel his heart beat faster. He could kiss him right now, blame it on the heat of the summer night, say the cool whispers of wind persuaded him into leaning down and pressing their lips together, 

Yukhei could have done a lot of things. But he didn’t. 

Instead, he let his hands be held by Mark’s smaller ones, a smile overtaking his face when Mark started rambling about a new drama he had started. 

And if Kun found the two cuddling in Yukhei’s bed the next morning, he didn’t say anything, smiling to himself before slowly closing the door to the room. 

_ 2,736.  _

. 

 

“Do you like Mark?” Yukhei spit his water out, collapsing into a coughing attack. He was sitting snuggly in between Donghyuck and Jaemin, the latter of which was fast asleep, his head weighing Yukhei’s left shoulder down. They were returning from a tiring practice, unceremoniously shoved into random vans, so Yukhei had missed claiming his usual spot in between Mark and Johnny. 

Yukhei finally finished coughing, a hand on his chest as he stared at Donghyuck, who had an unimpressed look on his face. The rest of the van was sleeping as well, so Yukhei could admire him for his right timing, but he was  _ not  _ comfortable with the line of questioning. 

“What’s it to you?” Yukhei bit out, taking another sip of water to distract his nerves, especially with the way Donghyuck was watching him, like he was cutting Yukei open and dissecting every part of him. 

“I’m his best friend, his ride or die. It’s my job to ask this. I’m sure Jungwoo and Kun have already conducted their interrogation,” Donghyuck stated, continuing like he didn’t notice the bite in Yukhei’s voice. 

It was quiet for a few minutes. Yukhei gathering his thoughts, and Donghyuck allowing him to. It was interrupted by their manager’s soft voice spreading through the car, alerting them that they were ten minutes from the dorm. 

“......And if I do?” 

“If you did, then I’d tell you to not break his heart. He acts strong for the rest of us, but he’s really just a big baby. He laughed when you said you cried over Zootopia, but I caught him crying over it later that night,” Donghyuck turned to make eye contact with Yukhei, his gaze strong. “His powers include calming people down and sensing emotions, so he’s always had to carry everything on his own because none of us could understand. Please, Xuxi. Don’t break him.” 

Yukhei nodded dumbly, unable to help the tears gathering in his eyes when he happened to glance at the numbers on Donghyuck’s chest. 

They had slowly dropped by twenty days in the span of five minutes. 

_ 1,562.  _

. 

 

“Remind me again—why are you asking  _ me  _ for romantic advice?” Johnny asked, eyebrow raised, appraising Yukhei who had collapsed next to him, plopping his legs over Johnny’s lap. He didn’t move his legs, instead leaning forward on them, turning Yukhei’s shins into an arm rest. 

“Because I asked Jungwoo, who told me some ridiculous over the top method. And then I asked Kun but he didn’t answer because he’s still mad that I ate his spicy chicken wings. And after that I asked Sicheng but he shooed me away because he was texting someone. And then I asked Jaehyun, but he told me I should just ask him for dick pics, which I am definitely  _ not  _ doing. And finally, I asked Taeyong, but he said I should just ‘be myself.’ Like, what the hell does that mean? ‘Be myself’? Have you met me?” Yukhei rambled on and on, waving his hands around while Johnny watched, barely paying attention. 

“Xuxi. Just ask him out. Tell him your feelings, and ask him out. It’s that simple,” Johnny rolled his eyes, covering a smile when Yukhei swung his legs off his lap and slumped next to him, hiding his face in Johnny’s shoulder, the beginnings of a complaint already on his lips.  

“No ifs, ands, or buts. It worked for me and Ten.” 

“What worked for you and me?” Yukhei jerked in surprise when he heard Ten, only to groan when the elder unceremoniously jumped onto the couch, jostling Johnny and Yukhei. 

“Yukhei’s trying to confess to Mark and he can’t figure out how,” Johnny droned, attention already going back to the game he had been playing before Yukhei had kicked his door down, cries of “pay attention to me,” filling the room. 

“Hyung!” Yukhei whined when Ten cooed, ruffling Yukhei’s hair. 

“My baby is growing up. Now you want to date Mark, what next? You’re wildly eloping with him to get married in Las Vegas before going off to live in the mountains forever?” Ten sobbed loudly into Yukhei’s sleeve, breaking into laughter when Yukhei scowled and pushed him off the couch. 

“But, seriously. Just be yourself.” 

.

 

As the months passed by their schedule became more and more hectic, giving Yukhei and Mark barely any time to talk. Their sole forms of communication became texting in between individual shoots or stolen conversations during the few precious minutes they had during group shoots. At first, it was casual, the two sharing a grin or air dropping a meme to the other. Somewhere along the way, the glances became more heated, the touches held more weight to them—things changed. 

Even the other members began to notice how they gravitated towards each other, spending every spare moment during comeback season next to each other. Sometimes it was Mark burrowed against Yukhei, allowing himself to be caught in the crossfire of long legs and arms, grinning freely because Yukhei couldn’t see his face anyways. Other times it was Mark who held Yukhei in the silence of the night, not letting Yukhei hide his tears of frustration in the comfort of their bed. 

Taeyong had put it best: “It’s like you’re each other’s beginning and end.” 

It was one night on the roof that it all came to a head. They were in their usual spot, using each other as pillars of physical support as they sat on the edge of the roof, hands shoved in the other’s jacket pocket, shivering from the winter air. The beer froze to their lips, but they kept sipping, giggling even though they were only half a can in. 

And before he could stop himself, the words tumbled out. 

“I like you.” 

Yukhei could  _ feel  _ Mark still next to him, the beer crashing to the floor. Yukhei trained his eyes on the small light in the distance, slowly taking his hand out of Mark’s pocket. On some level, he had expected it. Rejection. It hurt. It made his chest sting, his mouth dry. But he wouldn’t let his eyes water. Not in front of Mark. 

“......—uxi. Xuxi! Look at me.” Even after this, Yukhei couldn’t help but obey Mark, his head turning to gaze at Mark, eyes softening when he saw a large smile playing on Mark’s lips. A smile? 

“I like you too.” 

“You WHA—” 

His yell was cut off by Mark leaning in, silencing him with a kiss. It was quick, a gentle press of their lips before Mark quickly pulled away, biting on his lip as they made eye contact. A grin appeared on his lips before Yukhei could process what had happened. And he’d like to thank his quick reflexes for leaning in again, stealing another kiss before the mood could be broken. And another. And another. 

At some point, Mark had shifted into Yukhei’s lap, straddling Yukhei (they had moved off the ledge of the roof for safety, their slightly hysterical out of breath giggles filling the air, continuing their chaste kisses even as they moved to the ground). 

Their lips chased after each other, drunk off each other. Yukhei ran his hands down Mark’s back, settling at his upper thighs, giving them a quick squeeze before attacking his neck with vigor. The small moan that Mark emitted when Yukhei began pressing open mouthed kisses to his neck went straight to his dick, making Yukhei’s mind go hazy as their lips connected again. They were moaning into each other’s mouths, tongues swirling around each other, not really fighting for dominance, but switching off, one letting the other taking the lead before picking up when they got tired.

When they pulled away, Yukhei almost dove back in again, his heart racing at the sight of Mark’s puffy lips and hair flying everywhere, a dazed smile on his face. 

“I like you,” Mark whispered, curling into Yukhei as the two rushed down the stairs, murmured “be careful”s followed by giggling as Yukhei walked straight into a wall. Their hands were wrapped around each other tightly, a source of warmth in the harsh winter that hit Seoul ever year. 

“I know. I like you too.” 

. 

 

“Mark. You might be debuting again with another group. Get ready.” 

Yukhei heard those words on replay in his mind all day, unable to forget how quick the smile slipped from Mark’s face, or how quickly the numbers on his chest fell. And he hadn’t been able to do a damn thing about it. 

Everytime Yukhei concentrated on Mark’s numbers, his chest began to burn, and he felt light headed. He had been trying all day, playing it off as casual when Mark shot him a bored look, asking with his eyes: “why the hell have you been glaring at my chest for the past thirty minutes?” Yukhei had shrugged it off, airdropping him a meme to distract Mark before trying again. 

Yukhei gave one last attempt as they settled into bed (after serious haggling with their hyungs and current roommates, Yukhei and Mark had persuaded Taeyong to let them share a room but only  _ after  _ they had told the rest of the members they were dating—it had been met with cheering and groans as money was traded vigorously around the room). He laid his hand on Mark’s chest, ignoring the one suspicious look Mark shot him before sliding his eyes shut, wrapping his shorter leg around Yukhei’s waist. 

Yukhei thought back to their first date, channeling all of his (slightly) overwhelming feelings of love into his power, gently pressing down on Mark’s chest. To his surprise and delight, the last number slowly moved up by one. Yukhei spread his hand on Mark’s chest, unable to help the laughter that bubbled out of his lips as the numbers rapidly went up. 

He ignored the crushing pain in his chest, how it got harder to breathe as the numbers went up, the fact that his vision shook and his hand trembled as he pressed it to Mark’s chest, Mark who was lightly snoring at this point. 

Yukhei smiled, pressing a small kiss to the corner of Mark’s mouth, brushing the hair out of his face. Mark liked to mumble in his sleep sometimes, normally things along the lines of: “xuxi, stop being a brat,” or “if you pick me up again I’ll kill you.” He felt his heart swell with love as the numbers went up. Mark would have a long life, and Yukhei would do anything to protect his days. 

Yukhei felt his eyes close, meeting the darkness of sleep with open arms. His hand was still splayed across Mark’s chest, practically burning a hole into the sweater he was wearing. 

_ 5. _

_ 4. _

_ 3. _

_ 2. _

_ 1. _

 

. 

 

Mark had left Yukhei in their bed, grumbling as he climbed over the sleeping log. Knowing Yukhei, he had probably stayed up for another two hours in bed after they had gone to “sleep,” scrolling through social media for feedback on their latest performance. When he had woken up, Yukhei had been tightly curled around him, a peaceful smile on his face. Mark had rolled his eyes, untangling himself and pressing a swift kiss to his forehead before heading to breakfast. 

It was Saturday, meaning Kun was making pancakes for all of the members in the living room, the smell of sweet chocolate and batter spreading through the dorm, attracting them one by one. 

An hour later, they were all seated at the dining table minus Yukhei and Sicheng, who was out on a trip to visit his parents in China for the week. Mark had plated six pancakes for Yukhei, covering them with a bowl in the seat next to him. He furrowed his brows, looking in the general direction of their room, perking his ears and hoping to see the telltale sign of the door swinging open to indicate that Yukhei had finally woken up. 

Mark frowned, checking the clock on the wall. 11:06. Yukhei never slept for this long, even if he had stayed up late. 

“Where’s Xuxi?” Jaehyun asked, noticing that the usual comedy routine of Mark yelling at Yukhei was absent this morning, casting an unusual silence over the table. The rest of the members turned to Mark with a questioning look on their eyes. 

“What am I, his keeper?” Mark grumbled, stuffing half the pancake in his mouth, trying to hide his worry. 

“Yes,” Rang around the room, making Mark choke on his pancake. Taeyong laughed, patting Mark’s back before sliding a glass of water over. 

“No, but you  _ are  _ his boyfriend, which is basically the same thing,” Ten grinned, casually ducking to avoid the napkin Mark chucked at him. 

“But seriously, where is he? Normally he’d be here by now, throwing a riot that I served pancakes without him,” Kun tilted his head, eyebrows slowly furrowing. Murmurs of assent spread through the table. 

“I don’t know if anyone has noticed, but these days, he seems more….tired. Like someone extinguished his flame,” Renjun spoke up, surprised to see nods of agreement from the rest of the group. Mark set his fork down, unease gnawing at his stomach. The eerie stillness in Yukhei’s body this morning, the fact that he was sleeping normally when usually they woke up in the oddest positions. 

Before anyone else could react, Mark had jumped out of his seat and sprinted to his room, not taking notice of anyone following him. His heart was going to beat out of his chest. He ripped the door open, slowing down as he walked up to Yukhei’s sleeping figure, ignoring the sixteen other eyes that watched them. 

“Xuxi. Baby. Wake up,” Mark whispered, wrapping his hands around Yukhei’s arms, giving a gentle shake. No response. Mark hid the trembling in his hands by shaking Yukhei harder, the panic spreading through his body. 

_ 0. _

“Wake up, baby. Please wake up.” Mark’s throat hurt. He could hear someone screaming. Was it him? He felt Taeyong and Donghyuck trying to pull him away from Yukhei, so he latched on harder, screaming into Yukhei’s shoulder. 

“WAKE UP. WAKE UP. PLEASE WAKE UP.” His tears fell, splattering onto Yukhei’s ashy skin, adding swirls of color. Mark was shaking, his fingers desperately curled into the cloth of that stupid dark purple hoodie that Yukhei wore all the time these days, his large body dwarfed by it. 

Why was this happening? Mark cried out when Taeyong finally succeeded in pulling him away, thrashing out against the many hands that were trapping him. Through his blurry vision he could see Yukhei gathered in Johnny’s arms, looking small for once in his life. Doyoung was leaned over Yukhei, eyebrows furrowed as he turned the younger’s wrist over. Mark let out a whimper at the way Yukhei’s arm hung off Johnny’s embrace limply, no life to his body. He couldn’t stand it, the sobs nearly breaking his body. 

Doyoung looked up, the room falling silent. 

“There’s a pulse.” 

 

_ 1. _

_ 2. _

_ 3. _

_ 4. _

_ 5. _

 

. 

 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Fell like a mantra from Yukhei’s lips the second he stepped into the dorm, bowing ninety degrees to the rest of his members. They had been sitting in the living room, waiting, Mark’s eyes glued to the clock. The manager had given them an ETA, and Mark was holding him to it. 

“Don’t apologize you fucking idiot. Come here.” Surprisingly, Johnny was the first to speak up, a sheen of unshed tears already covering his eyes. Mark’s eyes softened when he saw Yukhei shuffle into the room slowly, taking his bag from him (if Mark’s heart twinged at the grateful smile Yukhei shot him, no one had to know). 

Yukhei huffed when Johnny cuffed him around the neck, dragging the boy down for a hug before unceremoniously bursting into crocodile tears as Yukhei slowly wrapped his arms around him. They were soon joined by the rest of the members, varying degrees of tears adorning the members’ faces. Mark saved his hug for last, almost breaking down when Yukhei turned to him silently, arms spread. The members had cleared the room, Taeyong shooting them a glare when the younger ones had lingered. 

“Can I hug you?”

“You don’t have to ask, you idiot.” Mark wiped his eyes furiously, stumbling into Yukhei’s arms, wrapping himself around him. Yukhei dropped his head into the crook of Mark’s neck, his hot tears coating Mark’s collar like a heavy necklace. Their hands twisted into their clothes, knees bumping together at awkward angles. The chaste press of lips, breath mingling for a short second before they pulled away, taking in each other. 

“You could have died, you dumbass. Died, and for what? Adding a few  _ days  _ to our lives? Never do that to me—to us—again,” Mark blubbered, punctuating every word with a finger in Yukhei’s chest, ignoring the growing smile on Yukhei’s face. 

“Scare me like that again and I’ll never talk to you again,” Mark growled, grabbing Yukhei’s collar and kissing the life  _ into  _ him, furious whispers of “I love you” falling in between their kisses. Mark felt salty tears wind their way into his mouth, their kisses growing deeper, bodies pressed as close as humanly possible. 

“I love you. I love you. I love you,” Fell from Yukhei’s lips this time, it fell from the way he wound his hands into Mark’s hair, it fell from the way he sucked on a certain spot on Mark’s neck, it fell from the alternating rough and gentle kisses they shared, it fell from the heavy gaze that shook Mark to his core. 

This was their end, their beginning. A beginning to their end. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> so yeah that's that. apparently all I can write is angst, but I CANT write sad endings so :) come yell at me on twitter @ yaxuxi uwu


End file.
